Corruptible Innocence
by Electric Jester
Summary: The brightest light has the darkest shadow.One dreary L.A night changes The Chosen One's destiny forever.   AU obviously
1. Without Sunlight

Corruptible Innocence 

Author: Electric Jester

Distribution: Just Ask

Disclaimer: I don't own anything of Joss Whedon's. Really. Any cute British guys in my closet _want_ to be there.

A/N: This is my first story in a long time and for that I apologize. And if you came looking for a noble Spike who goes all "white-hatty" though, go look elsewhere. Here there be evil afoot.

True Innocence:

In pools of blood the bodies lain

The final resting place of the weary slain

But when the departed gone and without knowledge of their pain

Children trod through puddles of innocent crimson rain

**Chapter I : Without Sunshine**

**Los Angeles**

_The rain poured incessantly in downtown L.A., the city unaware of the evil that roamed its mud splattered streets._

Spike was fuming.

_Stupid Dru and her stupid new toy._

What did she want from a human anyway? What hadn't _he_ given her?

"_Dru? Why do you do this to me?_

He kicked a crumpled beer can down the alleyway.

_Screw her._.

Next time Dru wanted a whipping boy, she could look elsewhere. He was done with her pixie rantings and insane visions. He was done with all of it. And he was done with Los Angeles. He hated this stupid city. He was so caught up in his inner ranting he didn't see the little girl until he had almost ran her over.

"Oi! Watch it kid!" he growled.

If the girl was warned off by his tone, she didn't show it. In fact, she was trying to hide behind him.

"Please help me! The scary men are chasing me!" she cried, tears of distress rolling down her cheeks.

She couldn't be more than six years old. She was wearing a pair of footy pajamas and was absolutely drenched by the L.A rain. Her blonde locks clung to her teary face and her bottom lip protruded despairingly.

The sound of trampling feet reverberated around the dank alley. Three Vampires rounded the corner and made for the sobbing girl. Spike felt himself slip into gameface and suppressed the initial confusion at his protective feeling toward the fearful child. He turned to face the Vampires and growled. Fledglings, all of them. They slid to an unsteady halt and stared openly at the Master Vampire. One of the Vampires stepped back cautiously.

"Marty….." A different one whined, "He took our dinner!"

"Yeah, we could take him!" The last one snarled taking a step toward Spike.

The obviously elder vampire cuffed him upside the head and chastised him,

"He's a Master. Besides, not like there was enough to go around."

Spike growled again, and the Vampires grabbed the back of his friends' coats and pulled them back towards the alley entrance. They fled off into the night in search of easier prey.

Spike waited to make sure they wouldn't return and then rounded on the girl. She grinned unabashedly up at him.

"My Mommy says bad men come out at night." She told him matter-of-factly.

"Great to know. Now why don't you toddle off back to her?"

He snarled and snapped his fangs at her. The girl was unfazed by his violent display.

"I'm Buffy. Who are you?"

Spike sighed and started walking out of the alley and into the L.A nightlife. Maybe he would get lucky and the kid would get hit by a drunk driver. Unfortunately, she just moved into a faster little trot to catch him, her soaked footies slapping repeatedly into the dirty sidewalk.

"Bugger off." Spike warned the girl without stopping his march down the empty street. Rock music and wild party sounds echoed around the empty area.

"What's your name?"

Spike groaned and stopped.

"You're not going to leave me alone are you?"

"Nope."

"Oh bloody hell." Spike pulled the girl into another alley. "Go. Home."

The girl eyed him strangely.

"What's wrong with your voice?"

He sighed.

"I'm British kid. And who are you to judge the bloke who just saved your tiny ass?"

"That's a bad word and I like your voice. Do I have to go home? I like you. You make me feel all….." She scrunched up her nose while trying to find the right word.

"Squiggly. And warm. Like soda." She added for emphasis. Spike stared at her.

He should eat her. Drain her and leave her mangled body somewhere interesting. So why wasn't he? And speaking of squiggly…..

He crouched down and looked into her bright hazel eyes. His demon should be pissed off enough to want to tear the defenseless girl to pieces. What was with this kid? She had seen him in gameface and should have gone screaming into the night. She had been scared enough of the other Vampires.

"What's your name?"

"Spike."

"That's a funny name for a person."

"So is Buffy for a little kid."

"I'm not going to be little forever."

Silence reigned again as the two stared at each other. Buffy reached out and poked the bridge of his nose.

"You have blue eyes." She informed him.

Warmth bloomed from his chest. What the hell was wrong with him?

He sighed. "In ten seconds I'm going to get up and leave and you are going to toddle off home."

All traces of the carefree attitude drained from the little girl's face and she clung to him fearfully.

"Please don't go!" She whimpered into his shoulder. "I'll be good and I'll stop talking and please, please, please don't go!" His t-shirt was quickly becoming more soaked as she tearfully hung onto him.

Spike wrapped his arm around the shaking girl and rubbed her back gently.

"Shh, got it, no leaving. I'm not leaving. It's O.K, I've got you"

She pulled away and sniffled, rubbing her eyes.

"Promise?"

He rested his forehead against hers.

"Promise. Are you going to stop crying?"

She nodded and wiped her nose with her pajama sleeve.

"I don't want the men to come back."

He chose his next words carefully.

"You know I'm like those other blokes right? I'm a Vampire."

He expected confusion or terror to spring into her eyes. She merely nodded.

"But you're not going to hurt me."

Spike nodded.

"I'm not going to hurt you."

Her eyes suddenly glowed bright silver and he froze.

_Not a chance, no bloody way_

"You're eyes were sparkly. They're blue again though". She added quickly.

_Bloody Hell._

He'd just found his mate.

And she was freaking six years old.

_Oh Bloody Hell._


	2. Dreaming of You

**A/N **: I hope everyone is enjoying this story. I'm planning on putting a Chapter or two out everyday, until this following Monday. Unfortunately, then I'll have to drop to a Chapter every couple days. If you're enjoying the story, please review. I'd hate to think that I'm putting a lot of time into a story no one likes.

**A/N **: Oh and this story goes to the beginning of School Hard .

**Chapter II: Dreaming of You**

**Sunnydale**

Buffy tossed and turned in her sleep.

She'd had this dream so many times before .When she'd almost forgotten it, it would reappear and rebrand itself on her subconscious. Almost as if any other dream was an irregular occurrence and this was her brain's scheduled programming.

"_Why do you have to go?" she pleaded. Her house was just across the street, but at the moment she wished it was a thousand miles away. He sighed and tipped her chin up so her gaze was level with his. _

"_I don't want to pet, but I've got to."_

"_But why?" She pleaded_. _"I'll miss you."_

"_I'll miss you to luv, but you're not ready yet." _

"_Yes I am! I promise I am!" _

_He sighed and ran a hand through his damp curls. _

"_You're just too young princess."_

_Her eyes swelled with tears. "But I'm not little! I'm a big girl, My Mommy told me I was!"_

"_Buffy, you're too young to understand it, but I have to go. I'll be back when you're bigger I promise. You have to trust me Goldilocks." He tucked a stray lock behind her ear and cradled her cheek. _

"_Can you do that for me?" She nodded meekly. "That's my girl."_

_He stood up and lead her across the street. He let go of her hand when they reached her door. _

"_I'll be back later I promise pet."_

_In the corner of her vision she saw her door open. Her Mother gasped and grabbed her arm, pulling her back toward her. He was across the street by now, but her vision was blurring, she could hardly see him. He turned one last time._

"_Promise" His lips moved to form the word, but no sound emerged. The rain poured harder and all she could hear was the thunder rolling over and over, while lighting split the sky, blinding her…_

Buffy woke to her body twisting violently in the bed. She gasped and tried to slow her erratic heartbeat. Something about this dream left her breathless and empty. She remembered telling her Mother about the strange man who'd saved her. She'd been sent to a counselor who tried to convince her that the man and the monsters were just over-exaggerations of her subconscious. After weeks at the clinic, she'd been convinced, only to discover that those monsters were really out there. That still left her savior and the dreams. She rose from her bed and stumbled into her bathroom. She rubbed sleep from her eyes and pulled her toothbrush from her mirror cabinet. She didn't want to deal with this now. She had enough trouble dealing with Parent Teacher Night and the upcoming Night of St. Vigenous. She groaned, there'd be no more sleep for her tonight. Not without anymore mysterious dreams. Might as well patrol.

As she changed out of her pajamas, she wondered over the significance of the dream. She could still remember sitting at her window and watching the street at nightfall to see if he would show. He never had. That's probably why she'd believed the counselor, it was better to believe he'd never been real than to believe he'd lied. Because he hadn't come back. Not even when she'd sit and cry while her parents fought, he never came back for her. She shook her head to rid herself of these thoughts. When she'd become the Slayer, she'd considered asking Merrick about it, but she never had. Something told her the dreams were meant for her and her alone. She pulled on her boots and tucked a stake into her pocket. Maybe she'd ask Giles. Maybe.

**A/N: **Yes I know that this one is kind of short. But Spike and Buffy meet again in the next one!


	3. New Alleys and Old Faces

**A/N: **And now… the moment you've all been waiting for…..

**Chapter III: New Alleys and Old Faces**

Buffy was trying to pay attention to Willow.

Really.

She just had more pressing things on her mind then French. Like say, Angel and the lack of his presence. You would think someone over 400 years old would have some insight on dating a girl. Not to mention the dream she'd had again last night. She couldn't shake the feeling that all the details were especially important today. She just didn't know why.

"La vache...doit me...touche...de la...jeudi." Buffy looked to Willow. "Was that wrong? Should I use the plural?"

"Uh no," Willow looked confused. "But, you said the cow should touch me from Thursday."

"Oh, well maybe that's what I was feeling."

"And you said it wrong."

_Great, everyone's a critic._

"I'm sorry Will; I'm just a little distracted."

Willow nodded sympathetically. "It's Angel missage."

"Angel? Oh right. Yeah, Angel missage."

Willow looked at her strangely.

_Well done Buffy, way to show your firm grasp on attentiveness,_

Thankfully Xander ran over to them from the dance floor.

"Guys, I'm all alone out there. Somebody has to dance with me."

Willow looked at Buffy hesitantly.

"Well, we are studying."

"C'mon, one dance," Xander wheedled. "You've been studying what? Twelve minutes?"

Buffy nodded in assent and followed him back onto the dance floor. Immediately, she felt a tingle. It wasn't really a vamp tingle though. She looked over her shoulder. No one really screamed evil presence. She shrugged it off as a weird case of the goose bumps and immersed herself back into the song.

He couldn't take his eyes off her.

Spike watched from a shady corner of the Bronze, his dark gaze shadowing every move his girl made.

Been way to bloody long since he'd last seen his mate. Almost a decade since he'd last been with her, and she'd been nothing, but a tot then.

Not now.

Now, she moved with an easy grace, blind to the fumbling awkwardness of her surrounding peers. Unaware of how her innocent swaying was influencing the darkness around her. That was the problem with the Good vs. Evil nowadays. Somewhere along the line, death had fallen in love with life. A seductive possessive love, that grabbed at all it could. Death had fallen hard.

Spike smirked. He sure of hell had.

He was surprised he'd managed to stay away this long. Every moment he'd been away from his mate, from the first step he'd taken away, had been some kind of torture.

If there was a bit of blue blood still pumping through his veins he'd have come back later, when she was more of an adult, 'round eighteen probably. But there was an icicle's chance in hell he could've stayed away that long. He knew it was nearly impossible for a mate to be truly comfortable in relationship with anyone but their foresworn. But he wasn't willing to stake that against teenage hormones.

It was time he reunited with his mate.

Buffy rushed out into the alley, Willow and Xander right on her heels. Sure enough, a Vamp was grabbing a meal in the alley.

"Slayer..." He growled.

_Real original_

"Slayee." She quipped back and hurled herself into the fight, calling for a stake. The Vamp swung out blindly to defend himself. Buffy easily blocked it and side-stepped his clumsy lunge. A Master this Vamp wasn't. He growled and threw a fast combo of punches. Buffy avoided them and retaliated with a few well placed blows of her own. The Vamp was growing desperate. His attacks lost any type of rhythm as he realized his chances of leaving the alley alive were slimming. One of random shots hit its mark though. Buffy was sent crashing to the ground. The Vampire's confidence rose.

"I don't need to wait for St. Vigenous, you're mine!" He snarled lunging for her neck.

Buffy rolled away, leaping to her feet. She struck out at the Vampire, sending him careening into the alley wall.

"Spike, give me a hand!"

And in that moment, Buffy froze.

_Spike…_

Her body slackened in shock.

Seeing her moment of weakness the Vamp shot forward with a victorious roar for her throat.

He never made it.

His body exploded, showering Buffy in dust. The action barely registered though as she gaped upwards.

Spike gave her a twisted grin.

"Well this 'as got a ring of déjà vu, luv."

Buffy just stared.

_It couldn't be._

That line of thought was all it took to shake her out of the spell.

_Right, it couldn't be_. She chastised herself.

"Who are you?"

She internally winced at how weak her voice surrounded. Way to sound like a damsel in distress at the feet of a potential enemy or ally.

Spike chuckled

"Aw, you don't remember? That burns pet."

Buffy swallowed hard.

_Or maybe it was._

She opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by the sound of feet thundering down the alley. She saw Spike sigh in annoyance.

"We should finish this later luv."

She nodded in assent.

"Tomorrow, the forest by Restfield." She could have slapped her runaway mouth.

Spike nodded and before she could ask him anything, had swept out of the alley.

_Again_

She inwardly sighed and turned toward her approaching friends.

**A/N: **Thank you for reviewing Sweet-T3. I love evil Spike. So how was it? The death loves life thing was from Life of Pi. I thought it matched Spuffy pretty well. But, I won't know unless you review.

- Oh, and don't worry about leaving flames. As a pyromaniac, they will be used for arson. So please, share your real opinion.


	4. It Came Upon a Midnight Meeting

**A/N: **O.k., I'll try to make this chapter longer. Oh, and thanks to all who reviewed (and to that one who reviewed twice.).

**Chapter VI: It Came Upon a Midnight Meeting **

She was insane.

She was really going out tonight to meet a _Vampire_?

Because, what, he'd known her when she was little?

(And really? Eww)

_He saved your life _a little voice reminded her.

Yeah, a decade ago. That doesn't count.

_What about last night? Without him, you might have very well been eaten._

She shook her head to rid herself of those treacherous thoughts.

"Buffy?" Her head flew up from where it had been resting to look at her Watcher.

"Buffy, have you been listening to anything I've said?" Giles asked in exasperation

She sighed and shot him an apologetic smile

"Sorry Giles," She sat up straighter in her chair, "You have my rapt attention."

Giles cleared his throat. "Yes well, where was I….."

"You were telling us about the cute British Vampire." Willow spoke up brightly.

She gazed off dreamily before realizing everyone was staring at her. Xander's jaw looked as if it had dropped to the floor and Giles was staring at her mid- wipe of his glasses.

"What?" Willow asked defensively, a bright pink blush crawling across her cheeks. Giles and Xander just continued to stare.

"I have eyes you know." Willow muttered. Giles cleared his throat again and turned to Buffy.

"Now Buffy…,"

Rage.

Hot boiling anger.

_How dare she! _Her inner voice seethed.

He was hers and _only_ hers.

_How could Willow dare to…_

"Buffster?"

Xander's cautious tone startled her out of her enraged thoughts. She noticed Willow was staring at her fearfully from halfway under the library table.

"Yeah Xand?' She replied brightly.

Xander gave a nervous chuckle.

"You scared us for a minute there Buff. You were looking at Will a bit-"

He looked at the other s for help.

"Psychotically?" Willow offered before ducking under the table when Buffy's gaze fell on her.

Buffy laughed.

"Sorry Will," She gave her a huge smile. "What you said just brought back how being around that Vamp last night was like being in a room with the devil. He was way with the evil vibe. Just made me mad that a creep like that was still wandering around."

"Really?" Willow asked happily, standing up and slipping back into her seat next to Buffy."

"Of course." Buffy lied smoothly "I didn't mean to glare at you."

Willow and Xander smiled at her, relieved by her explanation. Buffy grinned back, before turning to look at Giles. He was eyeing his Slayer strangely.

"Giles?" She prompted, shooting him her most innocent look. He shook off whatever was bothering him and opened his mouth to continue his lecture.

_Foolish Know-it-all, not so smart after all hmm?_ She thought smugly.

Wait, why was she feeling smug?

What was wrong with her?

A minute ago, she'd been about to rip Willow, one of her closest friends, to freaking pieces!

" Spike is apparently of the Aurelius line," Giles began.

"Woah wait Aeriali-ian? As in like, Deadboy's family?" Xander interrupted.

Giles began to reply, but was cut off by Willow.

"No Xand, _Aurelius _not Aerialian." She corrected him.

"Oh, yeah duh. "

" Aerial is airplanes."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I think-"

"Oh yeah I remember, that career day guy-"

"Maybe if you would all bloody shut up, I could focus on keeping my Slayer alive!"

They all jumped when Giles yelled.

"Sorry G-Man."

Buffy ignored him, looking up towards Giles

"Stay alive?" She asked softly.

Willow and Xander stopped talking and looked quickly over at the Watcher.

Giles sighed, and rubbed his eyes.

"William the Bloody aka Spike, has fought two Slayers in the last century," He looked back over at Buffy. "He's killed them both."

"But that's probably a fluke right?" Xander asked desperately, shooting Buffy looks from across the table. "I mean, Vamps are scared of Slayers so Buffster should be fine."

Giles gave him a pitying look.

"Not all Vampires. Spike seeks them out; he's got quite the reputation as the Slayer of Slayers."

"How?" Buffy asked .

"Well killing a Slayer is as sure way to ensure rising in the demon unde-"

"No Giles, _How! _Howdid he kill them?" Giles was taken aback by the callous tone.

"Buffy ,do remember that these Slayers were brutally murdered, there would be no harm in a little sympathy-"

"Don't lecture me now Giles; just tell me what I need to beat him. How did he kill them?"

"Well no specifics are iron-clad-"

"Come on Giles! Spells, a special weapon, give me something I can work with!"

Giles looked flustered.

"Well Buffy.."

The bell rang. Buffy gave a groan of frustration.

Willow and Xander slid from their seats and left the blonde with her blustering Watcher.

"Buffy? Are you quite alright?" Giles asked cautiously, wary of the Slayer's high-temper.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Buffy replied.

"No you're not."

Buffy went into a fighting position, before realizing it was just Angel lurking in the corner.

"Angel, long times no see," She said coolly, "Whatcha been up to?"

"Gathering information on Spike," He replied looking her in the eye, "He wants you dead.

"He told you that?"

Angel sighed. "Spike is my grand-childe, I know him. He never stops at something 'till he finishes is it, and everything in his path is destroyed."

"So he's goal-orientated," She shrugged it off. "I can take him."

Angel nodded, but Giles was doubtful.

"I'm not underestimating your powers, but maybe it would be best if Angel accompanied you on patrol."

"That's not necessary ." Buffy replied.

_Yeah. Considering I'll be seeing him tonight._

"We'll see about it." Giles gestured towards the door. "You should be getting off to class."

Buffy nodded dutifully and left.

**Restfield Cemetery**

It had to be a trap.

He was trying to kill her, that's the only reason he would lure her out here.

_Not exactly luring when I'm coming out to the place I picked out. And if he wanted to kill me, he could've done it last night._

He wants to kill me himself, increase his reputation. And why is my mind defending him? I don't know him.

_But you want to._

No I don't

_Why are you going to see him then?_

She couldn't argue with that. She couldn't explain it, but even after hearing about his past, she knew Spike wouldn't hurt her. But that didn't explain how she been drawn to him. Not counting the night in L.A, she only known him, what? As long as it took Xander to run fro the Bronze to the alley.

She stopped realizing she had reached the edge of the cemetery.

This was insane.

Was she really going out into the woods with a known murderer and no one knowing where she was?

She sighed and took a step inside, knowing there was no going back.

Spike hadn't been that hard to find.

He was standing under one of the taller trees, looking up at the sky.

There weren't any Vampires out that she could sense. Even the wind was still, as if it knew better than to mess with this Vampire.

Guess that made her the stupid one.

He moved suddenly, dropping and scuffing out his cigarette.

"Knew you'd show."

"Yeah? Well that's because, unlike you, I keep my promises." She replied snidely.

Spike just chuckled. He smirked at her, "Quite the firecracker, aren't you Goldilocks?"

"How would you know, you weren't here."

Spike sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Sorry about that luv."

"Sorry! You said you'd be around when I needed you! Why weren't you? Like when my parents were going through a divorce? Or when I became a Slayer? Or hell, I don't know, when I _died_?"

"Hold it a minute pet, you _died_?" Spike was staring at her, complete shock written on his face.

She gave a choked laugh, "Wow, you really didn't care did you? I _drowned_ in the puddle the Master dropped me in last year."

Spike was slacked jaw, "But - What the hell are you on about? Of course I bloody care!"

"Then why weren't you here?"

_Why weren't you Spike? I needed you!_

Spike took a step towards around her.

"I get you're hurt luv-"

"Do you? Cause I don't get any of this. I don't know you! So why d I feel like-"

"You've been betrayed?" Spike answered softly. She nodded. Spike sighed.

"I'm going to explain this to you-"

"Thank god."

"-so try to not interrupt." Buffy mimed zipping her lips.

Spike leaned back against the tree and pulled out a fresh cigarette. He patted his duster pockets for a moment before finding his lighter.

"I'm sorry." Spike lit his cigarette and sighed. "I didn't think- I didn't want to have to have to explain this to a little kid." H e laughed, "Probably would've been easier. But I wanted you to have a normal life for as long as possible."

"But-"

"I didn't know you were going to grow up to be a Slayer, did I?" He kicked viciously at a loose rock. "That bollixed up that plan nicely. So yeah, I get why you're pissed. You felt abandoned. And that's normal."

"How? I mean-"

Spike put his finger to his lips. He waited to see if she would interrupt again before continuing.

"We have a certain bond. Long story short, demons were made with a certain someone they belong with. Due to circumstances," Spike looked at her pointedly, "They don't always meet them. So sometimes they try to move on. I f you never met your mate, I suppose its easier. I f you do though, well then you're drawn to them, no matter what. They're your mate."

He looked up to see Buffy's shocked face.

"That's not possible. I don't believe it."

Spike rolled his eyes "Well it's real, whether or not you believe it."

"But," She stuttered "I'm not a demon."

"Really?" Spike raised an eyebrow, "Where do you think your powers come from. Face it luv, besides the pulse, you're just like a bloody vampire."

"No, I'm not," She backed away from him, like putting distance between her and his words would make them less real, "I don't accept that."

Spike jumped to his feet, growling. "It's not something you have a choice about Goldilocks."

That was the worst thing to say.

"No choice!" She snapped, shoving him away "Like I would ever let myself to be mated to an ass like you."

"Really? Like I'd want a bloody valley- girl brat like you? Get used to it baby, you're just as stuck as I am. Besides, "He put his lips right next to her ear, "You'd never have it as good as me." He purred.

"Oh yeah," _Damn, why did her voice sound so high-pitched? "_What about Angel, seems to me , anything you know, he taught you."

Spike growled and pinned her against a tree. "Shut up."

Buffy ignored him. "Why the hell would I settle for the pupil," Spike growled in warning, his eyes flashing yellow. "When I could experience the master?" She spat out scornfully.

Spike was shaking with rage.

"I said…" He softly, raising his eyes to glare at her." Be quiet."

Something in the way he looked at her made Buffy keep her mouth closed, though she was still fuming on the inside.

"Now, has Angel touched you?" Buffy remained stubbornly silent.

Spike growled menacingly, "I said did that sodding prick touch you." She glared at him defiantly.

"I said did you bloody let that bastard touch you!" Spike, roared his patience at an end.

Buffy felt a pit forming in her stomach. She shook her head slightly.

"No, not yet."

"Not ever." Buffy opened her mouth to protest, but Spike cut her off, "Uh-uh luv. The Pooft doesn't lay a meaty hand on you. You might not like it but your mine. Mine and no one else's."

This was sick.

He didn't own her. If she wanted Angel, he couldn't stop her.

She didn't belong to him.

So it made absolutely no sense when she gently, oh so very gently, pressed her lips softly against Spike's. His mouth was motionless at the initial contact. Then he slowly pushed back.

That was all it took to set off the fuse.

The next moment, his tongue had slipped into her mouth, deepening the kiss. Her hands knotted into his hair, holding him as close as way physically possible. And it wasn't close enough. She barely registered the pain when Spike slammed her back into the tree, to focused on the dueling of their tongues as they pulled and grabbed at each other. One of Spike's hands tangled into her hair , while the other kept her body balanced against the tree. Buffy couldn't pull away as he swallowed every half- choked moan and whimpering groan she made.

Eventually, she had to pull away to breathe. She rested her hands on his shoulders as she gasped in a lungful of air.

His cerulean eyes bore into her hazel, searching her face for something. Apparently he found it, because after a moment, he brushed his lips against hers.

Her last coherent thought of the evening nearly passed through her lips, before he forcefully reclaimed them.

_Oh God, I'm so screwed._

**A/N: **Well, confused Buffy to Spuffy over the course of a chapter. Like/dislike, love/hate, worship/despise.. I'll update as soon as possible


	5. Losing Myself in You

**A/N: **I haven't updated in over a week. (Shrugs) Sorry. I'll try to put up two chapters today. I actually finished two pages of this chapter, went back and reread it, hated how happy it was and had to rewrite it. Oh, and the "t" key broke, so if that didn't fix properly, I apologize.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter V: Losing Myself in You<strong>

Wrong.

She was wrong.

What other explanation was there?

_Slayer. _In truth her destiny wasn't that complicated. See Vamp, kill Vamp.

Except when it came to the "mate" thing.

What the _hell_ was she supposed to do about that?

She looked around the crowded lunchroom at her fellow students. Cordelia was sitting with her Cordettes, gossiping about the latest designer clothes and who wore them best. Nerds sat in little clumps, studying for their finals.

Normal.

Normal kids doing normal things. Not her though. No, _she _got the special calling. And on top of that, she was also _destined _to be mated to the freaking Slayer of Slayers.

Read here _wrong._

_Didn't seem wrong when you spent the whole night making out with him… _

"Shut up." She mumbled. Stupid traitorous voice.

"I wasn't talking Buffster." Xander gave her a weird look.

Buffy sighed. "I wasn't talking to you Xander."

"Oh…" It was silent for a minute. "Who were you talking to?"

_Great, another episode of "Friends, Run My Life"_

"No one."

"Hey guys, what's up?" Willow smiled at them brightly, setting her tray down on the table.

"Buffy's talking to herself."

_Thanks Xander, knew I could count on your discrepancy. _

"Really?" Willow sat down, looking concerned.

"No I wasn't." She rubbed her temples, fighting the irritation. Why was everything annoying her today?

Willow and Xander shared a look.

"Buffy, are you sure you're okay?" Willow asked carefully.

_That's it…_

"I'm fine!" Buffy shouted, running a hand through her hair angrily.

"Buffy!" Willow and Xander stared at her, shocked by her outburst. Students around them stopped talking long enough to shoot them strange looks.

She sighed, getting up from the table.

_Great, now they're going to act all concerned._

"Buffy, we were just trying to-"

"Just leave me alone." She dumped the remainder of her lunch in the trash. Cordelia watched her leave before following her out.

* * *

><p>Buffy slammed the door of her locker closed. God, she wished today was over. Everything her friends did just seemed to annoy her, she'd had a fight with her Mom over her grades, and her teachers had practically given upon her. All her Math teacher had told her when she'd been caught sleeping was;<p>

"_Ms. Summers, can you at least pretend to pay attention?"_

"So…" Buffy groaned and turned around to face Cordelia Chase.

"The almighty Slayer is losing it.? Could've seen _that_ coming. Spend all your time in a graveyard and the dead rubs off on you. Twenty years under the ground _so_ isn't a good look for you. "

Buffy fought the urge to grind her teeth. "I'm not really in the mood Cordy."

"Yeah, I can tell." Cordelia gave her a bratty smile. "You've just given up _completely _on any sort of style haven't you?"

"Shut up Cordelia." Buffy growled.

"Ooh, touché. Just trying to help the fashionably helpless. Thank goodness no all powerful being put _you_ in charge of that."

That was the last straw. Buffy grabbed Cordelia's blouse and shoved her into the lockers.

"Shut. Up." Buffy snarled. Cordelia was speechless. Buffy suddenly let go of her shirt and stepped away.

"Whoa…" Cordelia stared at her, smoothing down her rumpled blouse. "Issues much?"

Buffy ignored her.

What the hell was that?

_She pissed you off._

So had a lot of other people today, didn't mean she was playing wall ball with _their _bodies. The bell rang.

"Ok-ay psycho, "Cordelia glared at her haughtily, "I'm going to be going to class now, don't wait up." She flounced down the hall to her class.

Buffy sighed and walked down the hall to Biology.

_God, I wish today was over_.

* * *

><p>Buffy twirled her stake in her hands.<p>

"Damn. Come out, come out, where ever you are!"

Where the hell were the Vampires? The one time she wanted one, the cemetery was dead. No pun intended.

_Careful what you wish for…_

"Come on Vamps, you know you want to play." She called out, her voice echoing around the apparently deserted graveyard.

"Come and get me luv."

Oh shit.

Spike sat lounging on a crypt roof. He lit a cigarette and smirked at her.

"Hello Cutie."

She swallowed.

He's just a Vampire, nothing but a normal, run of the mill, super evil, Master Vampire. Nothing you can't handle.

_Yeah, you handled him pretty well yesterday,_

Shut up.

_You know you want to jump him._

No, I don't.

_Yes you do._

Well that doesn't matter, seeing as he's most likely here to kill me.

_Right, cause he was so menacing last time._

She mentally slapped herself. Internal argument later, deal with possibly homicidal Vampire now.

She cleared her throat,

"What do you want?"

Spike slid from his seat and studied her. "Why the brush off pet?"

"Answer the question." Good, keep it professional.

He shrugged. "Does it matter?"

"Yes it matters!" She replied angrily. She pointed a finger at herself. "Me Slayer, you Vamp."

Spike raised an eyebrow. "That didn't seem to bother you a lot yesterday."

"That was a mistake," She replied defensively. "It won't happen again."

"Really…"

All of the sudden, he was right in front of her, leaning way to far into her personal space. Her Slayer senses were going wild at his proximity.

"And why's that luv?"

Half of her was yelling a warning that he was dangerous. The other half had accepted that and was… excited?

"Because it's wrong." She meant for it to come out as a strong offensive statement, but it sounded more like a desperate plea.

Spike leaned in and nuzzled the hollow of her neck, his hands settling comfortably on her hips.

"That's half the fun ducks." He purred seductively in her ear, rubbing against her meaningfully.

..Wrong.

_Oh shut up. You love this_

He pulled away suddenly, causing her to groan at the loss of contact.

"Rough day Goldilocks?" He asked innocently, leering wickedly at her reaction to his movement.

She felt herself stiffen. "Like you care."

"And here I though we settled this in the woods. You're my mate, I have to care. Or do you want me to remind you?" He cocked his head, eyeing her shamelessly.

_Alright, I'm confused. Was that a threat or an innuendo?_

When in doubt, react with sarcasm.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Forgive _me_ for screwing up _your_ unlife. Buffy replied viciously.

She repressed every emotion her body was throwing at her, focusing on her duty.

Remember that? D-u-t-y, your _friends_, your _watcher_, not to mention _Angel._

She backed away from Spike and turned to leave the cemetery.

* * *

><p>His girl ran bloody hot and cold.<p>

One minute she was revving for a go and the next she was giving him the cold shoulder.

Time for a change in tactics.

"You're always alone aren't you pet?" Spike

She froze. "The Chosen… One." She turned around to face him.

"What do you want?" She murmured her eyes cast down. He walked over to her.

"You walk around other people, but you're not like them."

"I have friends." She mumbled, refusing to look at him.

"But they don't get it, do they?" She didn't reply. "There's things you can't tell them, things they wouldn't understand. You like this don't you?" He was circling her now, stalking around in a circle. "Being the Slayer? You like having the control, the power."

"I'm not a demon." He crouched in front of her, tipping her chin up so he was looking straight at her.

"No, you're not." He agreed soothingly. "But you're not just a normal human either."

She finally met his eyes. "I'm not a demon." She repeated.

"You're afraid of being alone, aren't you luv?"

"I'm not evil."

"You don't have to be." He swept a stray lock of hair out of her face. "You don't have to be alone."

She hesitated for a moment. "What do you want?" she finally asked cautiously.

He grinned. "Mostly, you." He was back on his feet now, head cocked, eyeing her cockily. "What do you want?"

She swallowed nervously. "I don't know."

"Well _that_," He walked behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist, "Could be a problem."

The way her body acted towards his presence was quite distracting. Not to mention, she was pretty sure explaining to Giles about the hickey on her neck was going to be hard to explain. Not that she was going to tell him to stop. It was silent for a moment, with the exception of her thundering heartbeat.

"So we'll start off easy then." The unexpected purr in her ear made her jump a little.

"Easy how?" She asked cautiously, blushing against her will at the possible _easy _things Spike could want her to do. He chuckled softly at her reaction. She could feel him grinning into the back of her neck.

"Nothing like that pet." He paused. "Well, not yet."

"Oh." She was beginning to hate how she acted like a bashful virgin around him. Well, she _was_ a virgin, but not like, you know, _shy_ or something. Not that she paraded around though-

_Oh just let it go. _She cleared her throat. She really needed to stop having these internal fights.

"So?" She prompted.

"Hmm." Spike rested his chin on her shoulder. "Are you scared?"

She paused to consider it. She knew about his past as the Slayer of Slayers, knew she _should _be on guard, but…

"Of you or _this_?" she asked.

"Me."

"No, I'm not scared of you."

" Do you hate this? Being connected to me?"

She shook her head. He'd lifted his head from her shoulders and was back to nuzzling her neck.

"Do you like it?"

The question caught her off guard. This isn't what she'd always thought she'd want. Sure, she'd suspected Spike wasn't a good guy when she was a kid. She knew Vampires were bad. Even when she'd learned about Angel's soul, she never played with the idea of Spike having one. Still, she'd never thought of herself as _that_ girl, the one with the badass boyfriend who was all leather and cigarettes. Sex on a stick and alcohol. But she couldn't think of anyone she'd want besides Spike. Yeah, she'd only _really _known him for less than a week, but she'd had an inert sense he'd come back. With the dreams and the inability to really attach herself to a boyfriend, she'd known it'd had something to do with him.

"Yes." She answered finally.

"So you're not scared of me…" He spun her around so they were face to face, continuing. "Not hating it, not ashamed, not seeing the problem luv…" His voice had dropped to a seductive purr next to her ear.

"This excites you hmm? You like how this makes you feel." It wasn't a question that time. His hands were roaming under her shirt possessively, sliding skillfully over her hips and stomach. She arched against him instinctively. "Love how you react…" he murmured., his mouth sliding over the smooth skin of her neck with small nips .

She groaned as he moved slightly

"Tell me you want this." He breathed against her lips.

His eyes were burning into her, the blue almost completely consumed by black. She was drowning in him, wasn't she? If she gave in now, that was it.

Giving in would be wrong. Wrong by every rule her Watcher ever made, by every expectation her friends had set.

And that was exactly why she had to.

She knotted her fingers in the curls on the back of his neck. Grips tightened, bodies writhed, lips claimed…

She'd lied

She was scared. Terrified, that in opening up, she'd have her heart torn out.

She'd given him the power to do that.

Hell, she was half in love with him already.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**…..Well?


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